My mouth will not utter a complaint, because at least it was 48 hour notice, as opposed to none at all.
Still, what irritates me is that they fail to recognize that foster parents DO have lives, and in our current situation, we cannot negotiate a visitation time. I am forced to give up a 2-4pm time slot on Sunday, no matter what. This means that my weekly time with my parents is now over.
We go to church until noon, then drive to my parents' home for a 1245-130ish lunch time, and then we visit with them until around 5pm. This is the only time we see my parents, as they live 40 minutes away. The caseworker supervisor's solution (apparently our caseworker is no longer "on the case," or else she's just not handling it any more) is to allow GGWTBM to receive Peanut after church, and then we would pick him back up from GGWTBM after coming home.
A)No unsupervised visits have been granted. How is this logical?
B)No. This is not a good idea.
C)No. Just no.
The other concern I have is that we went from the judge not allowing any visits because of positive drug screens, and caseworker telling me a week ago that mom was still positive for drugs, to GGWTBM being on a CASA case with both workers(GGWTBM is a CASA volunteer who works on cases with both caseworker AND caseworker supervisor), mom is now clean, and we are just handing him over willy nilly for visitations.
Is it just me, or does something seem amiss?
Friday, May 25, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
When you still dont feel like blogging...
UGH! Court has really been weighing on my mind. There's no way this baby is going anywhere any time soon, with parents who will still be in rehab at the time of the hearing on June 4...but that means if there's no TPR ruling that we will be facing a goodbye after a year or possibly longer. Im not sure I am prepared for that.
I am a 6 month kind of foster mom.
And it happened.
The attachment thing.
Big, big, big attachment.
How could it NOT happen, when you have a baby in your home from birth for six months that have been uninterrupted by bioparent visits? With all of the other babies there have been weekly bioparent visits to help give me that reminder that the babies are not mine. With Peanut, I can count on one hand the number of times he has seen a bio family member, with no bioparental visits.
Of course, when we signed up to do this it wasn't with time limits in mind, or conditions of any type. We just signed up to love and treat children as our own until their parents could take over, or DHS ended our relationship with the child. If the time comes for us to say goodbye to Peanut, we will do so with the same love and care that we have all of our other kids.
Little Star turned four this week! For his birthday we took him to the aquarium, and gave him parakeet feeding (400 in one room! Yikes!) and stingray feeding experiences. He had a great time! Nothing says "sensory stimulation" like an aquarium. Then we came home, I made him a fish cake with M&M fins/tail, and glow-in-the-dark ballons, which were worth the money I spent on them.
I really love that little boy, and his shenanigans. :)
I must give a shout out to sweet Kylee over at Learning to Abandon for helping me fix my blog issue!
I am a 6 month kind of foster mom.
And it happened.
The attachment thing.
Big, big, big attachment.
How could it NOT happen, when you have a baby in your home from birth for six months that have been uninterrupted by bioparent visits? With all of the other babies there have been weekly bioparent visits to help give me that reminder that the babies are not mine. With Peanut, I can count on one hand the number of times he has seen a bio family member, with no bioparental visits.
Of course, when we signed up to do this it wasn't with time limits in mind, or conditions of any type. We just signed up to love and treat children as our own until their parents could take over, or DHS ended our relationship with the child. If the time comes for us to say goodbye to Peanut, we will do so with the same love and care that we have all of our other kids.
Little Star turned four this week! For his birthday we took him to the aquarium, and gave him parakeet feeding (400 in one room! Yikes!) and stingray feeding experiences. He had a great time! Nothing says "sensory stimulation" like an aquarium. Then we came home, I made him a fish cake with M&M fins/tail, and glow-in-the-dark ballons, which were worth the money I spent on them.
I really love that little boy, and his shenanigans. :)
I must give a shout out to sweet Kylee over at Learning to Abandon for helping me fix my blog issue!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
When it's a record blog silence...
Writing has not been a top priority in the past few weeks, sorry! I don't really care to write right now, but I don't know why. Im going to try and do a bullet update on each child just for documentation sake, but I just feel blah lately. Court for Peanut is coming up in three weeks, and I have that sinking feeling that something strange is going on behind the scenes. First, his caseworker basically told me that foster parents are to stay out of any business of the child because we are ONLY supposed to care for the child at home, not worrying about what else is going on in the case. Then, I find out that caseworker has told BioMom and BioDad that they have lost their chance and they'll lose babysibling as well, since 4.5 months have passed and they've done nothing. Then, caseworker's supervisor is all of a sudden greatly involved and requests a meeting with BioParents alone after she found out they were surrendering. She talked them out of it and who knows what else was said because all of a sudden they are "getting him back" and "super excited to see him." THEN yesterday, at lunch with GGWTBM, I find out that caseworker is now all of a sudden going to be on "vacation" for the permanency hearing and caseworker supervisor will be the one representing DHS. Today, caseworker called and said the reason they didn't put the motion through to the judge to ask for rehab visitation is that mom tested positive for marajuana the other day. We'll see. Nothing I can do about it, anyway. Seriously, though, something is up. I KNOW something is up. Hopefully something that will be best for Peanut.
Kid updates:
Snugglebuggle:
-SO HUGE! He towers over his brother who is just six months younger. We put a size 8 dress shirt on his 5 year old self and it fit. *sigh* He's making it very hard for me to pretend he's still a widdle baby. (47.5in, 45lbs)
-Danced in his first ballet theatre! He was a card in the Queen of Hearts scene...quite a long part with a group of five other boys. It was PRECIOUS! I will say, if I had known the boys were coming home before the production, we'd not have done it. The last week of dress rehearsals was brutal despite the fact that he had the time of his life.
-is a dancing fool! I had no idea, but he was added to the competition team at his dance studio. I just found out last week that we will be going to nationals in July for him to compete with his "Jr. Line" (it's a larger group of kids)
-Was given 20.00 by my brother and mom as a gift for dancing in the ballet and when he went to spend it, I asked that he consider getting a small gift with just a little bit of the money. He ended up splitting it three ways and getting his brothers something as equally nice as he got, then told Teddy Bear he looked handsome as he went off to school. I love him. I.just.love.him.
Teddy Bear:
-Doing MUCH better with lying. He catches on quick in terms of consequence, for sure. He and I have a long way to go to form that lovey-dovey mommy/son relationship that I sooooooo look forward to, but the joy wells up in my heart when I ask him something and he tells the truth more often than not. I am sure that Papa making him stand in front of his entire class and apologize to his teacher for lying helped, ha. For me, that'd be enough to never EVER repeat again.
-Is also a dancing fool! The dance school director/owner pulled me aside the other day and told me he's going to be one to watch. I won't mention the fact that I had to interrupt the class photo because he was posing like a princess. :|
-Never stops chattering about nonsense. EVER. EVER. I don't think I could ever homeschool him because I'd lose my mind.
-Tried to get a little boy on his bus to kick another little boy down the steps of the bus. I don't think that will happen again either, as this morning Papa drove him to school and once more made him apologize to the boy in front of everyone. He did it and had a great day today. :)
-Is persistent, to say the least. I was punishing Snugglebuggle for screaming disrespectfully at me, and Teddy Bear says, "NEVER give up, Snuggle. Never give up. Maybe next time you won't get in trouble for that." Haha! I know what he meant, but it was highly appropriate given the fact that he's spent the last three months testing me to see what he can get away with.
-Has more good days than bad ones. He's manipulative, sneaky, and spends a great deal of time trying to get other people to do his dirty work, BUT if what we're dealing with now is the worst it will get, then he's going to be just fine. He's easy to handle, and the most obedient when it comes to daily routine and being helpful with chores. I always know that when I tell the boys to go clean the room, Teddy Bear will be the only one actually cleaning.
Little Star:
-Is by far the hardest to handle, yet the easiest to love, which really ends up being a pain in my ass. Ha! He's the most defiant child I have ever met, but all it takes is ONE little devious grin and I can't even be mad.
-Speaking of defiance, he is SO defiant, that sometimes if I tell him "come to the table" and he does so ONLY because his food obsession outweighs his desire to defy orders, he will LEAVE THE TABLE simply because I said "Thank you for obeying." It cracks me up and is pretty hilarious that he gets mad for being praised. It is completely random, though. You never know if he's going to be proud of the praise, or if it's going to make him throw a fit.
-Is the most brilliant baby in my house. He can figure anything out, takes things apart and puts them back together, and CAN READ. His teacher and I figured out that he can read sight words, but we didn't know because we couldn't understand his baby babble. They have been doing starfall at school, and she said he's been reading the words before the audio prompts speak!
-Eats his boogers. It's disgusting.
-Hums all day long, and except when it annoys T&I, is one of my favorite things about him.
Peanut:
-Needs a new nickname. I don't know how much he weighs yet, but we've gone from newborn to 3-6month clothes in a matter of a couple weeks. Everyone is shocked and blown away at his sudden growth spurt. Note: Sudden growth spurt = being treated for failure to thrive, by which I, mother of four with a husband in graduate school thus largely unavailable, was required to feed him four ounces every two hours. Tired does not even describe it. I have self-adjusted our schedule and he now sleeps 4 hours at night because I just couldn't handle it anymore. He's growing finally, he has now caught up on milestones, and he has an appointment in three weeks. I'd feed him every 30 minutes 24/7 if that's what he NEEDED, but it just doesnt seem necessary to wake him up at night anymore.
-Is reaching for things, and able to pick up a nu-nu(and anything else in his reach) and pull it into his mouth
-Talks and coos and BELLY LAUGHS!!! Music to my ears, as we had once worried about his silence
-Needs to be renamed Snugglebuggle Jr. because he reminds us so much of Snuggle's personality as a baby.
-Loves to stand up, loves to be sung to, loves to reach out and rub people's faces.
-Screeches like a pterodactyl (Monica, don't laugh!!!)
Kid updates:
Snugglebuggle:
-SO HUGE! He towers over his brother who is just six months younger. We put a size 8 dress shirt on his 5 year old self and it fit. *sigh* He's making it very hard for me to pretend he's still a widdle baby. (47.5in, 45lbs)
-Danced in his first ballet theatre! He was a card in the Queen of Hearts scene...quite a long part with a group of five other boys. It was PRECIOUS! I will say, if I had known the boys were coming home before the production, we'd not have done it. The last week of dress rehearsals was brutal despite the fact that he had the time of his life.
-is a dancing fool! I had no idea, but he was added to the competition team at his dance studio. I just found out last week that we will be going to nationals in July for him to compete with his "Jr. Line" (it's a larger group of kids)
-Was given 20.00 by my brother and mom as a gift for dancing in the ballet and when he went to spend it, I asked that he consider getting a small gift with just a little bit of the money. He ended up splitting it three ways and getting his brothers something as equally nice as he got, then told Teddy Bear he looked handsome as he went off to school. I love him. I.just.love.him.
Teddy Bear:
-Doing MUCH better with lying. He catches on quick in terms of consequence, for sure. He and I have a long way to go to form that lovey-dovey mommy/son relationship that I sooooooo look forward to, but the joy wells up in my heart when I ask him something and he tells the truth more often than not. I am sure that Papa making him stand in front of his entire class and apologize to his teacher for lying helped, ha. For me, that'd be enough to never EVER repeat again.
-Is also a dancing fool! The dance school director/owner pulled me aside the other day and told me he's going to be one to watch. I won't mention the fact that I had to interrupt the class photo because he was posing like a princess. :|
-Never stops chattering about nonsense. EVER. EVER. I don't think I could ever homeschool him because I'd lose my mind.
-Tried to get a little boy on his bus to kick another little boy down the steps of the bus. I don't think that will happen again either, as this morning Papa drove him to school and once more made him apologize to the boy in front of everyone. He did it and had a great day today. :)
-Is persistent, to say the least. I was punishing Snugglebuggle for screaming disrespectfully at me, and Teddy Bear says, "NEVER give up, Snuggle. Never give up. Maybe next time you won't get in trouble for that." Haha! I know what he meant, but it was highly appropriate given the fact that he's spent the last three months testing me to see what he can get away with.
-Has more good days than bad ones. He's manipulative, sneaky, and spends a great deal of time trying to get other people to do his dirty work, BUT if what we're dealing with now is the worst it will get, then he's going to be just fine. He's easy to handle, and the most obedient when it comes to daily routine and being helpful with chores. I always know that when I tell the boys to go clean the room, Teddy Bear will be the only one actually cleaning.
Little Star:
-Is by far the hardest to handle, yet the easiest to love, which really ends up being a pain in my ass. Ha! He's the most defiant child I have ever met, but all it takes is ONE little devious grin and I can't even be mad.
-Speaking of defiance, he is SO defiant, that sometimes if I tell him "come to the table" and he does so ONLY because his food obsession outweighs his desire to defy orders, he will LEAVE THE TABLE simply because I said "Thank you for obeying." It cracks me up and is pretty hilarious that he gets mad for being praised. It is completely random, though. You never know if he's going to be proud of the praise, or if it's going to make him throw a fit.
-Is the most brilliant baby in my house. He can figure anything out, takes things apart and puts them back together, and CAN READ. His teacher and I figured out that he can read sight words, but we didn't know because we couldn't understand his baby babble. They have been doing starfall at school, and she said he's been reading the words before the audio prompts speak!
-Eats his boogers. It's disgusting.
-Hums all day long, and except when it annoys T&I, is one of my favorite things about him.
Peanut:
-Needs a new nickname. I don't know how much he weighs yet, but we've gone from newborn to 3-6month clothes in a matter of a couple weeks. Everyone is shocked and blown away at his sudden growth spurt. Note: Sudden growth spurt = being treated for failure to thrive, by which I, mother of four with a husband in graduate school thus largely unavailable, was required to feed him four ounces every two hours. Tired does not even describe it. I have self-adjusted our schedule and he now sleeps 4 hours at night because I just couldn't handle it anymore. He's growing finally, he has now caught up on milestones, and he has an appointment in three weeks. I'd feed him every 30 minutes 24/7 if that's what he NEEDED, but it just doesnt seem necessary to wake him up at night anymore.
-Is reaching for things, and able to pick up a nu-nu(and anything else in his reach) and pull it into his mouth
-Talks and coos and BELLY LAUGHS!!! Music to my ears, as we had once worried about his silence
-Needs to be renamed Snugglebuggle Jr. because he reminds us so much of Snuggle's personality as a baby.
-Loves to stand up, loves to be sung to, loves to reach out and rub people's faces.
-Screeches like a pterodactyl (Monica, don't laugh!!!)
Monday, April 30, 2012
When you are not at their disposal...
One of the family members called me and instructed me that I had to have Peanut at xxx place to be swabbed for a paternity test.
I told her no. Seriously? I am not doing ANYTHING that DHS did not order me to do, especially something like that. I will cut off ALL contact with ALL of them if they start asking me to do things and then get mad at me when I wont, because my only priority is Peanut.
Supposedly Biomom and Biodad are meeting with our caseworker's supervisor because she feels like if she can get them alone without family or anyone else around, she can convince them to work a service agreement and not lose the babies. During this time, they'll ask her if they can get a paternity test. If she agrees, then she can tell me it's ok to go and we'll go.
Why would they all even want a paternity test? Something doesn't add up.
Either way, I am not someone's babysitter to be told what to do and when to do it, and they all can really kiss my bum.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
When lying liars lie...
Dealing with lying is tiring. Peanut's mom, peanut's family, friends of mine, and my own precious son who I pray will cease to lie about every stupid little thing someday. Not to mention DHS. DHS in **OurState** is just one big fat lie, period.
I hate lying. Just wanted to say that.
:(
Friday, April 27, 2012
Stinking foster care adoption
It just occurred to me, while I feed Peanut at 3:30am, that in ten short short SHORT weeks, my babies will start kindy.
For some reason I just cannot let go of the fact that I should be homeschooling Snugglebuggle. I want him home with me. I want to infuse literature lessons and math lessons with God's word, and practical applications. I want to take him to the marine mammal center at 11am on a Tuesday to study ocean creatures. I want to write our names in shaving cream and cut and paste things while we listen to Mozart. The first half of this year before God blessed us with three boys, he woke up every day asking when it was time to start schoolwork. Even now that I have put away the curriculum once I realized the adoption would not be final before school started and I didn't want to waste precious free play and snuggling time, he still asks if we can do lessons.
"Teacher! Teacher! Is it time to do a schoolwork?"
"Teacher, may I do a show and tell with Beyblades?"
"Teacher, what can I do for you next?"
Sending him to school feels very, very wrong. Very. I just don't see any way around it, because there is no valid and logical explanation to give him as to why he couldn't go to school with Teddy Bear, and I honestly do not feel as though I could homeschool Teddy Bear at this point in time even IF the adoption were final before August 6. I am giving 100% towards attachment parenting with the boys, and his behavior would be very hard to homeschool and control my frustration as we bond and attach. I have a hard time even doing his homework (which, for the record, I believe is RIDICULOUS for preschool to have homework) with him because at this point he is so defiant and unfocused as he processes these really big feelings of grief, missing his "middle mom," etc.
We will get through it, I will get over it, and I guarantee you he will love it.
Maybe I will too, but I am not counting on it. The only positive I can see is if Peanut is still here with us and I will have tons of time for snuggling him during the day. <3
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
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